Monday, June 23, 2008


In case you're new to the neighborhood (hi!), I went into the hospital last Wednesday to have my right breast some lymph nodes removed. I and my entourage (HusBoy, father, and mother in law) arrived early and checked in. Since we had time before they took me into the back room, I showed off my newly purchased mastectomy camisole with matching boobies. My mil promptly started asking me why I wasn't using my new knitted boobies and didn't I say I wasn't going to use the store-bought kind.

First of all, I never said I wouldn't use commercial prosthetics; if the insurance company will pay for them more power to them (and I don't think we could knit a good swimming breast). Second of all, I couldn't wear a bra right after surgery and the fiberfill breasts came with the camisole.

Thirdly, it looks terrible. I'm sure that the plastic boob folks are doing the best they can, but when we went out last night for ice cream I felt completely and totally unattractive. I'm sure the ice cream guy was staring because I was tearing up and not because of my lumpy body under an over sized Hawaiian shirt buttoned all the way up to the neck, but it was a terrible experience.

My mother told me more than once that I could be pretty if I would just try. I know that these are just temporary set-backs and that I should be happy just to be alive, but I cannot help thinking that I will never be pretty again, no matter how hard I try. I'm sure that my attitude will change once I grow my hair back (or at least get rid of the tubes coming out of my side), but for now I'm just in the dumps.

But enough of the groaning, there are worse things... What if I wasn't able to knit?

That is the never-ending BDF shawl, which should be done today (barring any unforeseen catastrophes) with a card I received from my Secret Pal. Yay, thank you Ms. Snapdragon!

And this week's SP12 question: As a kid, what did you look forward to most about summer vacation/break/holiday? Sleeping in. I love going to school, love reading and learning, hate having to get up at the butt-crack of dawn to do so.


throwslikeagirl74 said...

Oh honey, hang in there. Pretty is a state of mind, not a physical appearance. And you just had surgery for goodness sake. You're still in the Borg phase. I have too much to write in a comment, so I'll email you. *hugs*

throwslikeagirl74 said...

So I couldn't find your email, but I pm'd you on ravelry. I also left you my number if you need to talk to someone who's btdt. :)

errs said...

Honey, you are pretty...

I'm sure the guy was wondering why ice cream made you cry and that he'd seen weirder looking people.

I'm impressed that you're up and about. And they let you go home with tubes. When I had my reduction, they wouldn't let me out of the hospital until they took the tubes out.

Gentle hugs!

Naomi said...

Hair is over-rated!
Much love and prayers,

bubbebobbie said...

This is Yarnyenta's mama typing for the computer-less girl that just fed 35 firefighters and is exhausted. And is on the phone dictating to me!
My beautiful Becka you do NOT have to try to my pretty, you are stunning. The mere loss of your breast does not take an ounce of your beauty away. I am praying for your recovery and I love you so much.

( she doesn't know I am typing this but she just said "you should see how puffy my foot is".... she had xrays to see if she broke it moving.She has been on it all day takig care of the forgotten firefighters. They hadn't had any food or even access to the potty for a couple days. She made sure they are now sleeping indoors and fed and even can wash their clothes. Tomorrow she is hunting down showers for the guys! )
Becka, I want to add, I am praying for you and I want you to know that your husboy is so in love with you, rest in that. So wear the hawaiian shirt button to your throat if you must, just remember someday he will be bald and instead of you having breasts, he will have them and YOU will love him just the same too! it all evens out.

Because of Jesus,
Yarnyenta and her mama